The method
Three layers, in this order. They are not new — what is new is that a tool here checks whether you keep to them.
Where this comes from
Separating observation, feeling and request comes from Nonviolent Communication after Marshall B. Rosenberg. It is well documented, well researched, and has been used for decades in mediation, leadership development and couples counselling.
This tool invents nothing about it. It only makes executable the part that fails in practice: you know the rule and still do not notice that your own sentence is breaking it.
The three layers
Observation
What a camera would have recorded.
instead ofYou are unreliable.
betterThe input was due Thursday; it arrived on Friday.
A label invites a counter-example — and it will come. A single, observable incident cannot be argued away.
Impact
How it landed with you.
instead ofYou make me angry.
betterI get angry, because I replanned my day twice.
“You make me angry” asserts a cause and can therefore be denied. What you feel, nobody can dispute.
Request
What should concretely be different.
instead ofShow more respect.
betterTell me by Thursday noon whether the input is coming.
A request is only a request once both sides can tell afterwards whether it was met.
Why no AI
Every question comes from a fixed rule. The rules sit in plain text in the source, each carries its own test cases, and the build fails when one of them stops holding.
Three things follow that a language model cannot deliver:
- Nothing is invented. There is no phrasing that nobody stands behind.
- The same input gives the same result tomorrow. No model swap, no silent change in behaviour.
- Nothing has to be stored. There is no model that would learn from your sentences — so there is no reason to keep them.
The price is honesty elsewhere: the tool only rephrases where the sentence structure safely allows it. German is a verb-second language, and patterns applied to it reliably produce broken sentences. The restriction applies here too. Everything else is asked, not guessed.
Who this is for
When it is personal
The conversation with your partner, your parents, a friend. Where it hurts most when it goes wrong.
When it is work
Managers, colleagues, clients. Where you still have to work together tomorrow — and one sentence too many echoes for a long time.
When you accompany others
Leaders, coaches, mediators, HR. As a practice frame, and to make the three layers tangible.
Common questions
What are the three layers of Nonviolent Communication?
Observation, feeling and request. The observation names what a camera would have recorded — without judgement. The feeling describes your own reaction in the I-form. The request names a concrete, positively phrased action that both sides can check afterwards.
What is the difference between observation and evaluation?
An observation can be checked: „The input was due Thursday; it arrived on Friday.“ An evaluation is a label: „You are unreliable.“ Labels invite a counter-example and lead the conversation predictably into defence.
Why are I-statements more effective than you-messages?
„You make me angry“ asserts a cause and can therefore be denied. „I get angry“ describes what actually happened and cannot be argued with. The sentence gets weaker as a claim and stronger in effect.
How do I phrase a request that lands?
Positively, concretely and checkably. Instead of „Show more respect“, better: „Tell me by Thursday noon whether the input is coming.“ A request is only a request once both sides can tell afterwards whether it was met.
What separates Nonviolent Communication from a communication technique?
The order is not packaging but an order of thinking. Observing before judging often produces a different picture of the situation while you are still writing. Used as a technique without that stance, it quickly sounds put on — and is heard that way.
Is the Konflikt-Simulator an AI?
No. Every question comes from a fixed rule that sits in the source and carries its own test cases. The same input gives the same result tomorrow, nothing is invented, and there is no model that would learn from what you type.
Is my input stored?
No. There is no database and no file it would be written to. The texts exist only for the duration of the computation, in memory. There is no account, no cookies and no tracking.